The Gospel according to Rushdie

“To die for boys –
O, what a beauty”
-Gay National Liberation Front

Last Wednesday, my dear friends R and T dropped by for dinner and coffee. Terribly missing them after almost 2 months of absence, I was supernaturally consumed in ecstasy (I am practicing to be a porno writer, hence, the term).

Thoughtless that I am, I accosted R before he could spoon up food if he’s reunited with his ex. A brief mental sparring followed and it went like this:

R: What makes you think that?
Me: Just a hunch.
R: A hunch? What gave you the idea?
Me: I don’t know. So are you? (R gives me the funny look) Are you back together? (I persist)
R: Well, not really. Sort of.

I did not pursue thinking that R did not welcome my interrogation so talk shifted to other matters, T’s children and their antics, among others. Later, much later, R opened up.

I was happy that R finally became comfortable sharing his present situation with us. I felt bad about the break-up months ago and I was really worried about him because he is the type to keep his grief private.

The way I see the situation is a bit hazy but one thing is quite clear: there are no demands and expectations. Well, this is the dimension of a relationship deprived of me, so bear with me if I could not fully understand the concept of a no-demand/no-expectation thingy.

So what constitutes a relationship then? At the very least, I want to be treated with respect. Isn’t that a kind of expectation already? But hey, I am not defending any position here. What do I know about romantic love?

If R says that such a relationship is possible, then I believe him. “Kung saan ka maligaya, hindi ako malulungkot,” I reassured.

Why do we continue loving a supposed ex, inspite and despite of? Is this what people call unconditional love, a love without borders and frontiers? J says it might be a case of having diffulties getting over people who treat us badly. Then that would make us masochists.

I feel I need to apologize to R for burdening him with questions like – Don’t you ever ask your ex what you are doing or what it is you’re having or where is this, whatever it is, is headed to? He guarantees that at least, he is totally aware of what he’s getting into. I take comfort in that. More importantly, he’s obviously happy. I take more comfort in that.

So for you, my friend, I chose this Salman Rushdie quote because it has trappings of Maoist thought, a fitting tribute to our shared history:

“In love, one advances by retreating. The first approach, the deflection of anxieties, the arousal of interest, the feint of departure, the slow inexorable return – the leisurely inward spiral of desire”.

Certainly you cannot rob Rushdie of his breathtaking eloquence. In another’s incapable hands, this love-mantra would read and sound like Sun Tzu’s “Art Of War,” a book I have read quite a few times I have forgotten what it says.

But as your friend of long standing, I do declare without modesty that I summed it up better than the Rushdies of this world.

So let me say this again (hope you read this): You are in deep, baho shit.
A variation: You are in deep, baho, igit.
Another variation: You are in deep, baho, bugrit.

If this isn't affection, I don't know what is.