"Cause you're working, building a mystery" Sarah Maclachlan
Mystery. Once the veil of mystery is stripped off, trust me, a relationship is on the doldrums. Next stop, splitsville. That's a friend speaking her mind, not me.
How in God's country can one sustain "mystery" in, say, a 3-year relationship, I silently wonder. Replicating a chameleon isn't exactly an enchanting prospect for me. What in the hell for? It's like being in a relationship with a schizo, no thanks.
Maybe I don't get it. Most of the time, I don't get it anyway. But here's my take: from the get-go, I want no mask. Layers to be peeled off, yes. No holding back, all cards on the table. Warts, zits, and all.
Mystery is so contrived, pa-epek and overrated. What possible mystery can one preserve - that you're an alien from Mars? That one grows fangs every time the moon is in full bloom?
Understanding and acceptance - how can they hold a candle in a relationship cloathed in mystery? I agree with Lucretius. The more knowledge is inherent in a thing, the greater the love. Isn't it the case of celebrities we like, we prepare a dossier of them, in our intent to know them in a deeper sense? Of course, it does not follow that just because you live with a person or spend time with him that you can already read the palm of his hand or that he can no longer spring a surprise. But the second-guessing is not deliberate.
I want boring and predictable, a comfortable knowledge that I can even predict the shirt my partner is going to wear on a particuar ocassion, the part of a film which he finds funny, a quotation that will rock his boat, what he's going to say in a repartee, what he is not saying, finish his sentences.
Even with friends, I would like to think I can order food for them or choose songs at videoke and there's no mystery involved anymore. Precisely you can do this because you somehow know them. Just recently, a dear friend dropped by and played some Dave Matthews in his guitar. I told him that if Baan were around, she would surely request for "Crash". True enough, when Baan got home and caught us jamming, she asked R, "can you play Crash?" R and I looked at each other and shared a secret smile, in unspoken agreement that I somehow know my sister. Maupay it feeling.
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Writing about nothing in particular while the world is in turmoil.
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I write differently from the way I speak. I speak differently from the way I think. I think differently from the way I should think and so it goes on into the darkest depths of infinity. (Kafka, Letter to Ottla, 10 July 1914)
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9 comments:
i subscribe to this idea, dyn. kay one (supposed) love guru nga guest ni rachel ray said that for a marriage to work, there always has to be mystery involved. i so wanted to believe him because this might just be the answer i was looking for (to the question: sugad ba talaga ine it kinasal na, bagan waray waray nla?). but then, i thought na how can we do this when we still live in may parents house (technically, we are a separate household) and we have one room where we do everything together and/or in each other's presence. werd. tapos, para anu pa that we tried so hard to get to know each other all these years that we were in a relationship together? sering mu pa, it's nice to know that you can predict how this person (obviously importaant to you) will think, say or do. bagan waray alanganin ha relasyon.. or bangin kita la ito.hahahha
I believe you can never ever stay in a long enduring relationship or truly love someone--whether its our family, friends, husbands,wives,even dogs or pets--unless you understood them and even if you dont completely understand them you still accept them. And in accepting you needed them, and in needing them..there is a need to be needed by them.
Sometimes, there is also a part of us that we do not know or we are not conscious about--in that sense--every person really is a mysterious creature of his or her own.
I never believed it before, but as I do now, that we never stop discovering who we are inside--it takes a lifetime. For this reason, we also never stop discovering what our loved ones are inside--through the changing seasons and cicumstances we face in every phase of our lives, there is always something to discover--- even if they are our family, parents, sisters, or people we grow up with.
However, i kind of thinking that the mystery your friend is talking about, in a relationship does not lie with the person we love or we feel important to us--the mystery is more on the person creating the romantic idea that blurs his or her vision or even the senses from what the reality presents.
Because of this romanticissism...many people find it hard to accept the truth and reality of their partner or the object of their affection.
Many,and I am guessing not that I am a woman, but majority of this unrealistic attitude goes to women and well, lets blame it on the romantic novels, fictional love stories, movies and the fairy tale land of disneys..fortunately or unfortunately women,, okay growing up girls really adore.
Because of these endless bombardment of entertaining audio-visuals in every girls growth years, girls rather than the boys are pre-disposed to become more self-absorbed in their world, and unconsciously have created a mystical or magical world in their heads. It takes a lot of unlearning to redirect these great impact.Its carried on by women as they age or even as they enter into relationships.
But we see, all these tales of the prince and the princess for are absolutely far from truth.
For instance its never true that all princes are charming or all princesses are pretty as walt disney presents..its just a presumption or perhaps an illusion by the artist to escape.
I am afraid your friend Dyn is a victim of this delusional fiasco.hehehe..But i dont blame her either.
However, I do believe that people often part ways because of the lack of mutual acceptance, understanding and mutual love and respect.
The real world is far better mysterious than the mystery or illusion that we create in our heads.
Demistifying ourselves is not a weakness--as others wants us to believe-- it is more of a human compulsion, a necessity, an inner longing to be accepted for who we are as we present our true selves to the person who profess to love us. Now, is it not obvious that I dont agree with your friend? Why do I have a feeling that she is just making up excuses and does not take part responsibility of the failed relationship?....just an opinion Dyn..till your next article..
hi, MK! I remember blogging about "tragic flaw" and Oedipus Rex's was supposedly his obsession to know everything. Of course, it's not humanly possible but I have that tendency to shuffle through the surface and dig deeper when I am interested, whether it's a band, a film, a person. I mean, why settle for just the tip of the iceberg? I would rather know about a few things but know them pretty well than be conversant about a lot of things with mere superficial knowledge.
It's not the number of books you read whose titles you forget after a day anway. I can be content with just a few but ask me about them, I can tell you about the scent of fume expelling from a car, the beads of sweat around the neck of the protagonist, the doubts and reservation of the mattress where the lovers just screwed, the agony of the walls about about to witness a betrayal....Opps, meandering too far na ako, hehe. but, you know what I mean?
You are engaged, immersed, attached because that's the only way to love. You love what is known, evident, manifest not the unknown so that when the unknown exposes itself, your knowledge and understanding is sufficient to accept it.
Mystery? There's no mystery. Everything is out there. That's the epistle from Santan Street, hikhik. Go, spread the word!
Up until 3 years ago, romance novels were my guilty pleasure. My sister who skipped this phase would ask "don't you get tired of the trite plot?" She couldn't fathom my interest in silly stories that ended predictably and I would reason that it's not so much the happy ending but how the author leads you there through detours and delays. Lame, I know.
At the end of the day, it's our choice to wear blinders or be realistic.
no mystery, diyosagliba, all are approximations, like friends' birthdates :) i like the choose songs at videoke.. tintin does it for me and auntie che ngada hit pagkakasasamari hit am mga but-ol :)
haha! hit and miss when it comes to friends' birthdays but at least, correct it month. Siring ko man, I may miss but my aim is always true. Diri makuri pagpili songs for you, ikaw pa nga tapang, bwahaha. Thanks, Regiedor.
Hi Ate Dyn!! Musta na? Your blog made me laugh out loud (adi pa naman ako ha office and pretending to be seriously buried in urgent!asap!important! emails).
I totally agree with you -- I do prefer boring and predicatable! Hahaha. So far, this is how my marriage is going and i'm happy to say that for us, boring and predictable works!
Amen to that,dyn! I may be almost a month too late but agree pa rin ako...
hahaha. Ferdzhoney should read this blog, too. I know how he'll react. And he'd know why I want him to read it,too. See, we're both predictable. But then again, that's what makes our relationship interesting. Everyday, we look forward to telling each other and guessing each others' predictable routines.
Thanks, dyndyn for this blog. It made my hot summer Aussie day bright and cool.
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